A Letter From Someone With Too Much Time On Their Hands

Have you ever consistently received someone else’s email?  It has happened to me a few times and I always make the effort to try and get a message to the person who it should be going to that they are missing out on a lot of their emails.  As a result, I now correspond from time to time with a lovely lady in Florida whose husband seems incapable of remembering his email address.  I forgive them because they’re very apologetic, quite funny and also elderly.  I am less forgiving of the silly bint who is responsible for the current deluge I find myself submerged beneath.  She is younger than me (and consequently I would expect to be more tech-savvy) and smarter than me (either that or she hangs out socially with a lot of doctors).  I know all of this because of the information that is contained in the emails I receive.  This evening, when I opened the email account which I keep solely for v important things, I was flooded with her stupid rubbish.  This has been going on for a long time now.  I composed this reply to one of her friend’s emails AND I HIT SEND TOO!

Hello ***

I don’t know you but you’ve forwarded me your CV.  That’s because I have the misfortune of sharing a name (but NOT, funnily enough, an email address) with your (dopey) friend.  Sadly, she doesn’t know her own email address.  When you next speak to her, could you please ask her to learn her email address because I’m getting really sick of getting all her subscription emails… marathon emails, Lloyds TSB bank emails, Samsung emails, garden centre emails, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  I see that Monsoon has a lovely sale on but, since I don’t live in UK any more, I’m not interested in hearing about their frocks even though they come in lots of pretty colours.  When I was getting all her emails about arranging a fabulous sounding holiday with friends, your H**** seemed to learn (albeit briefly) that this was not actually her email address, but, alas, it appears she has forgotten again.  It took ages to get the New York Marathon people to desist sending me their rubbish.  Alternatively, if she doesn’t actually want to learn her own email address, perhaps you could just ask her to stop clicking the ‘subscribe to email notifications’ button when she’s joining all these things.  Simply from a security point of view, you might want to let her know that, when unsubscribing from various of these subscriptions, a frightening amount of her personal information has popped up.  I could have acquired several credit cards in her name by now (really, that’s how much information comes up).  Surely that alone should be motivation enough for her to learn her own email address now, or at least think for more than a millisecond when entering mine.

The other (slightly annoyed and with a little too much time on her hands this evening) H****
ps.  I didn’t open your cv, but I’m sure it’s fantastic, and if you pass this message on, I’d give you a job!  🙂

Too much?  I hope it’s taken in the humorous spirit it’s meant, but if it isn’t, I can live with that!

So there!

Sorry we’ve been a bit absent from commenting and such – getting ready for a houseful of visitors has meant that the reading time has gone down.

We met up with Flo’s breeder today and went down to the beach for a lovely walk.  The breeder told Flo about her new sister.  I hadn’t mentioned it yet.  Flo’s gone to bed in a huff.  🙂

Number 2 is in there somewhere!

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16 Responses to A Letter From Someone With Too Much Time On Their Hands

  1. Declan Greyhound says:

    Hehe! We think we are in love wit you all! I can only apologise for my UK brethren 😉 F**k wits!! Deccy x

  2. Oh my goodness, I don’t know what’s better, the letter you sent or the photos of Flo and the pups! Too funny! And Flo is getting a sister? How exciting! 🙂

    • Flo says:

      Yes, as I read it, I lament on quite how like my father I’m becoming. Fortunately for him, he only started composing letters such as these when he was retired and really did have enough time on his hands. I seem to have beaten him to the status of ‘grumpy git’ by a couple of decades! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

  3. I recently seen a litter of 9 golden lab puppies – puppies are so darn cute! Great Post – thanks for sharing – Happy Saturday:)

  4. Well I wouldn’t like to get on the wrong side of you hehe. I love the letter personally. It obviously came from someone sensible, with a lot of wit, and too much time of her hands. In fact, so much time, I’m wondering how come she’s not commenting. Oh right. Thre’s a houseful of people coming. Hrummppph 😉

    What a silly goose that girl is. In the good old days, snail mail would of course sometimes end up in the wrong mailbox, usually because of a mailman with poor eyesight. But a wrong email address???? Come on. Wouldn’t she be wondering why her inbox in SO EMPTY and why she isn’t getting the best deals on Monsoon? I hope you get a response. Please post if you do. I could do with another laugh.

    • Flo says:

      Yes, I knew as I was posting someone would wonder how I found the time to compose that email. What can I say, I was a woman possessed.

  5. Hey Flo, Jet here.

    CONGRATS on the pending new baby sister… most exciting!

    Mom asked me to share that’s one crazy story! How could a human be so dense???

  6. Well done! Sometimes, you just have to make a stand!

  7. Jodi Stone says:

    I love it and kudos for you for sending it!

  8. Bassas Blog says:

    🙂 I do hope the inundation of Monsoon type emails nows abates 🙂 Love the picture of the puppies – very exciting news!

  9. Shrads says:

    ohh, what a wonderful letter. It brightened my afternoon, for two reasons.
    one – its absolutely wonderfully written
    second – I’m going through the same misfortune of being bombarded by emails for someone else.

    but, what makes my situation different is,that the lady who’s mail i’m receiving is an actress and works in one of the daily soaps so rampant on cable channels these days. And i keep receiving her scripts 😀

    • Flo says:

      Well her emails sound far more interesting than the emails letting me know what time someone is coming to a house that isn’t mine to clean beams that I haven’t got! 😀

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