George and Fergus’ Rules For Using The Litter Tray

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Rule #1
Always try to get to the litter box as soon as it’s been cleaned or changed.  It is perfectly acceptable to get into the empty tray and start your business as the litter is being tipped in.  The reactions, both verbal and non-verbal, make crossing your legs for however-long-it-takes worthwhile.

Rule #2
Practice secreting bits of litter in between your toes to deposit in far flung corners of the house.  See how far away from the tray you can get before depositing it.  With a little practice you should be able to make it to the opposite end of the house and up on to a piece of furniture before you drop it.

Rule #3
Dump as much of the litter outside the tray as you leave inside.  It makes it roomier.

Rule #4
Try to flick some ‘uh oh’ outside the tray.  It’s called ‘uh oh’ because that’s often one of the sounds you’ll hear when it is discovered.  It’s kind of onomatopoeia (try getting a dog to spell that).  Take care though… do not attempt this if you feel as though you might not produce a bullet; anything less than perfect consistency could result in a trip to the v-e-t.

Rule #5
Ignore the litter tray completely and do what has to be done right in front of it.  Warning: This should only be attempted when the litter tray hasn’t been cleaned as quickly as you would like.  If you try this when the litter tray is clean you might be forcefully ejected from the dwelling.  Please also note that the warning from Rule #4 above applies to this rule… consistency is important.  Executed correctly, this manoevre will elicit a guilt response which usually leads to extra pats and nibbles.

Rule #6
Scratch around in there for at least twice as long as is actually necessary.  This is more effective at eliciting a response in the middle of the night.  Sometimes their state of confusion causes them to put extra biccies in your bowl while they’re up.

Rule #7
Scratch for an eternity without covering your prized deposition.  You can try scratching at the floor outside the tray, or the wall next to the tray for extra effect.  When they see it, your tormentor dogs won’t be able resist a little snack on the way past and without fail they will get into serious strife.  Win.

And remember, have fun.  🙂

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15 Responses to George and Fergus’ Rules For Using The Litter Tray

  1. This made me laugh! It’s so very true that cats will go the minute you’ve clean their tray out! And the scratching around, just give it up, kitty! Great, honest post 🙂

  2. Gemma says:

    Thankyou for writing this wonderful post, this made me and my partner laugh out loud, THIS DESCRIBES OUR CAT PERFECTLY! 😛 I have never understood why he scratches at the wall near the tray, now I know he is just trolling me 😛 Though sometimes he alters Rule 7 and walk away without even bothering to ATTEMPT to cover it! 😛

  3. Very funny. I think every cat owner out there can appreciate this one. Mine love scratching at the wall and bookcase. I find it hilarious to watch.

    • Flo says:

      Yes, sometimes I think Fergus does it just to make me think that she’s quite neurotic and slightly unbalanced so that I feel a sorry for her!

  4. Declan Greyhound says:

    You two have been talking to KC haven’t you…..go on admit it?! And you know some right long words……impressive….. I expect……

  5. Rose says:

    I just couldn’t believe this post (you know I personally don’t have cats) but both daughters do (with a dog/s that try to sneak by the tray for a snack) YUUUUUKKKKKK. I honestly thought I was listening to them. A-mazing H!!!! Bwhahahahahahahaha, I’m gonna stay cat-less.

  6. 2browndawgs says:

    Funny and somehow Nestle got wind of those rules. 🙂

  7. Tober says:

    These are fantastic rules, especially the race to get back in there and reclaim the cleaned litter pan!

  8. Bassa's Blog says:

    Hilarious! 🙂 🙂

  9. Well this was sheer brilliance!!

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